So... almost a month ago, I talked about some changes that were going on in my life. I feel like it's finally time to share these changes.
Talking about things and opening up to people has never been easy for me, but I'm going to try.
Jeremy and I are getting a divorce. I feel like this has been a long time coming. For the past couple of years, I have been telling Jeremy that I didn't think we were right for each other. We are just different people. I feel like we grew apart. To me, we were just best friends. I think it was easy to just stay together out of comfort. I tried and tried to tell myself that I was happy, but a little voice inside of me kept telling me I really wasn't. I kept telling myself that I made a promise when I said my vows and that I shouldn't break that promise. I finally decided that I had to start living for myself and do what would make me happy instead of trying to please other people. I took a HUGE step and told Jeremy that I didn't want to be with him anymore...
When Jeremy and I met, I had a habit of dating assholes. Jeremy seemed like a very nice guy and I thought that's what I needed. Turns out, what you need isn't always what you want. And if what you think you needed isn't what you really wanted then it's probably not really what you needed.
It has been a crazy month... I flew to Chicago on January 11, spent a week here, drove to Missouri to see my family for a week, came back to Chicago for a week and then flew back to California to pack my things and have them shipped back here. I've been back in Chicago for about two weeks now. I'm getting used to living in a new place and I'm searching for jobs.
I go through phases of being sad and missing the life I had, but I know that I made the right choice and that both of us will be happier in the long run. For the first time in a long time, I'm actually looking forward to the future.
Oh, you might be wondering why I chose to move to Chicago. Well, I just really needed a change! I didn't want to just move back to Missouri, but I also didn't want to stay in California. I knew I wanted to be close enough that I could drive home, but far enough that I could make a fresh start. A friend in Chicago suggested I come here, so here I am!
Thanks for listening...